Parenting is hard. It’s a cliched, blanket statement, but it holds a lot of truth, right? On top of that, we need to understand that kids don’t come with an instruction manual. Kids can test your patience beyond imagination, they can be picky at the right moment when you are looking for some peace. But regardless of how you may feel, remember not to say certain things to your child who may also be going through some kind of a stress.As parents, we need to know how to talk to kids without hurting their feelings. We all experience stress up to some extent, but we often mistake stress to be a crucial part of adulthood. However, we do not realise that kids also go through stress. Kids could be affected by various types of stress, including parental pressure, peer pressure, perhaps classmates also pressurise or there are few unwanted elements in school who bully other kids causing stress to the children. Stress is an issue which has become very common and is faced by each one of us and no one is untouched by that.
No one’s saying you have to over-praise your child and constantly tell them they are perfect, but you should try and use positive language, even while scolding and do remember that no matter how short your fuse is, they are children, your children. They can’t take the heat you’re doling out like adults can and, whether you agree or not, you don’t have a right to let your frustrations out on them.
We all make mistakes, but take care to not say these 15 things to your child and keep their little hearts and minds on your own.
Stop crying: You child is crying because he is upset and tears are his/her way of expressing the pain.At times these tears are for no reason or a reason which is not worth crying. How many times have we adults also cried for no reason? We conveniently blame it on our hormones and get over with it. Telling your kids to not cry is like telling them that this is a wrong way of processing their emotions. Instead try empathising with your child, acknowledge the reason why your child is crying, stand with him/her and try to help him get over the feeling. Promise your child your presence today and always and that he can express to you.
I can do it for you instead: If you see your child struggling to do some task howsoever minute or easy it may be, don’t offer your help immediately. Especially when your strong willed child is insistent on doing his/her work on her/his own. Instead ask them politely if they need your help or ask them if you can show them an easier way to do that particular task. Don’t force yourself on them.
Leave me alone/I don’t get time for myself: No one is sane enough to never crave for me a time or alone time. We all need space and time to think over things. However, trouble in your nest begins when you tell this phrase often to your kids. Leave me alone, I am busy or you are disturbing me. After a period of time kids will not come to you for anything or won’t talk to you because they feel you keep brushing them off. If you make this a regular thing when your child is small then they won’t come to you or won’t tell you anything as they grow older. There’s literally no reason to say this to your child. You’re going to make them feel bad if they’re old enough to process that statement, or you’re just putting it in their head that they are a nuisance.
Why can’t you be like XYZ: Well comparison is the most natural thing that comes to parents. You end up comparing your child with others kids. We parents usually look for a frame of reference. While you are busy comparing, don’t let your child listen to that comparison. Every child is different and grows at its own pace. They have a different temperament and different personality. If your child happens to become privy of this comparison he/she may feel that you wish your child was different and you are not happy with him/her. This can have a long-term negative impact on the children. You could try a different approach by appreciating the strengths of your child and help him/her in enhancing those.
You have no reason to be upset: I am sure you would have heard stories of your own childhood from your parents and how you would get upset and irritated over insignificant things. It happens with all the kids and they would get upset over things which you find illogical. We all have our own meltdowns and reasons to be upset, so does your child.
Wait till your papa comes home: Doesn’t this sound cliched threat to you. Such threat does not have the desired impact on your child. You got to be in control of the situation and take the action immediately. Delay in the consequence of your child’s action would not connect with your child. It looses the power in front of your child. Verbal threats and spanking or delayed punishment do not let your child learn what you are trying to instil in them.
Hurry Up, do it quickly, why are you so slow: I am sure all of this sound familiar to you and is a story of every household. We all in this busy world utter these words often. Kids can’t be as quick as we are and we should not make them feel guilty of delaying us or some work that we wanted to get accomplished on a particular time. While sending your kids to school or feeding them lunch or for that matter tucking them in bed, please don’t rush into anything. Don’t let them feel rushed. If you want to instil in them the importance of discipline and time be patient.
I will never forgive you: How would it feel if someone said this to you? You will feel bad, disappointed, sad. Won’t you? Imagine how would your child feel, someone whose mind is young and naive and who takes everything to heart. If you say this to your child, he/she will feel that whatever wrong they have done it will be held against them forever.
You’d better ____ or else!: Think twice before using this phrase with your child howsoever tempted you are to use this. Warnings are often the result of parental frustrations. Don’t remove your frustration on your child.
I Sacrifice A Lot For You: We all feel that we sacrifice a lot during the process of parenthood. Of course, we sacrifice a lot; we are parents. But your children didn’t ask to be here. They didn’t ask you to have them. Reminding them that you sacrifice a lot for them make them feel that they owe you something for being their parents.
Stop asking me questions: Kids can have a thousand questions, it can also be annoying.Would you appreciate a dull child who isn’t curious and does not have any question? I am sure you have your answer because you do want your kid to be curious. You do want them to question their surroundings, to ask you about things they hear and see and feel.
Get over it: By saying this you are telling your children that their feelings are immaterial and you want them to hurry up and move on with whatever they are feeling.
Its, not a big deal: But everything is a big deal for kids. Literally, everything. If they finish a puzzle, if their ice cream cone falls to the floor, and seeing a giraffe at the zoo — all enormously big deals. They feel like sharing every small thing with you. Pay attention to them and don’t say it’s not a big deal.
Don’t be so……… :Shy. Bratty. Rude. Talkative. Loud. Remember this is your child.They will do things and act in a way which you may not like, but this does not give you right to say anything to innocent minds. Stay cool and avoid harsh words. Instead, you can ask your kids to be grateful for whatever they have.
I don’t care: Don’t say you don’t care. Kids take things to their heart. For them, every small thing matters, from the ice-cream which has fallen down, or it’s about their friend who finished their tiffin in the recess, it’s important for them. They want you to be happy and excited as they are for every little thing that happens in their life. So if you tell them that you don’t care about certain things they will feel their thoughts are pointless. If parents won’t care, why should anyone else?
Hope these suggestions by me help you. Stay positive and cherish your kids. Enjoy them till they are there with you. They are like those birds who fly away when they find their wings… Love them from the bottom of your heart…